A few months ago, I wrote about learning to fight. Fighting for my relationship with Jesus. Fighting my boredom and lack of motivation. Fighting the lies I’m told (“there are other things I should be doing”) and the lies I tell (“I can’t find the time”). Why? Because God delights in us making that effort when it’s hardest!
At the time that I wrote that post, that was a message that brought me a resurgence of motivation and a fresh desire to really fight.
But then I got tired. Somewhere along the line, I just…stopped. I pulled out of the battle. I gave into my own laziness. I found myself right back where I started.
I’ve been in such an dry season for too long now, one which I have truly desired from the depths of my heart to fight my way out of. And I can honestly say that I’ve tried. But it seems like just as quickly as I rediscover that excitement I’ve been missing, an all-too-familiar reluctance creeps back in and takes over. Somehow I find my Father back at the bottom of my priority list. I feel awful about it, truly, and my heart aches for that fleeting feeling of satisfaction in the Lord to just…stay.
But I don’t know what to do. Every time I start to fight, I get discouraged and run away from the battle. Because it’s exhausting! I feel like I’ve pleaded enough with the Lord to just show up…so where is He? Why am I still struggling? Why hasn’t He come to meet me here in my weakness? Why does it feel like I’m putting in all the work and God is ignoring me? All lies, I know, but realizing that still doesn’t make it any easier.
Recently God pressed on my heart to read the story of Jesus healing the paralytic (Mark 2:3-12 and Luke 5:18-26). Here we have a man who was unable to walk, so four of his friends carried him on a mat to a house where Jesus was teaching. Once there, there was such a large crowd that they couldn't get to him. So they carried their friend to the roof, dug a hole through it, and lowered him down right in front of Jesus. It was there at His feet that the man was not only healed, but his sins were forgiven - his deepest need. All because “Jesus saw their faith.” All of them. Each one of them, the man and his friends, believed (not just hoped, but truly believed) that if they could just get to Jesus, he would be healed.
Neither Mark nor Luke tell us how the man’s journey began, whether he asked his friends to carry him or they saw his need and took it upon themselves to get him there, but either way, one thing is definitely clear - he could not do it alone. I wondered if maybe the man, knowing he could not get to Jesus on his own, pushed his embarrassment aside, humbled himself, and asked his friends to believe with him and carry him.
This is where it all started to sink in and I understood the connection to my situation. I need Jesus. Desperately. I know that. I believe that in Him I will find revival. If I could just get to Jesus…if I could just open my Bible and find the strength to fight my boredom… But no matter how much I try to fight, at this point I have just become so weak that I can’t do it alone. Like the man (though the scenario may be hypothetical), I need to ask friends to help me, to fight with me, to carry me to the feet of Jesus.
Despite how weak and defeated I’ve felt, I’ve still continued to search for my own solutions, tried to motivate myself and hold myself accountable. But this is where community and fellowship are such a gift! When we find it hard to connect with a deity which we cannot see or hear, when we have trouble feeling the presence of our Savior and His power in our daily lives, our most valuable and vital resource is our friends! When our faith is weak, it’s the faith of others that we can lean on.
As I thought about all of this, I knew that was exactly what I needed. Instantly three very special girls in my life came to mind. So I abandoned my stubborn “I can do this on my own” mentality, approached each of them, and humbly asked if they would be my strength, if they would carry me to the feet of my Jesus so that in Him I can find a way to get up and walk on my own again.
From each of them I was met with such grace, understanding and support. They each encouraged me in unique and beautiful ways…one immediately grabbed my hands and prayed for me, wasting no time in approaching the throne on my behalf. Another covered me with verse after verse of scriptures that spoke so clearly to my situation, reminding me of the truth, promises and faithfulness of our God. The other followed up a few days later with a text asking me how I planned on spending time with Jesus that day, holding me accountable to the fight I had committed to months ago, determined not to let me give up this time.
These girls have blessed me tremendously in the ways that they have carried me so far - and it has only been a couple weeks! I have been so inspired by the faith of my friends as they’ve fought with and for me…making me wonder more about the friends of the paralytic...
Maybe the man was like me, very stubborn and sulking in his disability. It’s possible that, before he understood his desperate need to be carried, his friends recognized his need first and were the ones to approach him and offer their help.
Once again, this got me thinking…there are certainly people in my life who are in a similar position to where I am, needing to be carried, but not knowing how to ask. There are also others who may not recognize the areas of their life in which they need Jesus most in the first place. Sometimes it just takes someone else noticing…
As I’ve drawn nearer to God, I’ve felt motivated to do whatever I can to carry others, starting with those who are carrying me. Each of them have different needs which they can use encouragement and accountability for, and I want to offer that to them in any way I can. I put a post-it note on my bathroom mirror where I’ll see it throughout the day that says, “Who are you carrying to the feet of Jesus today?” Each time I see it, I am reminded to pray for these girls and strive to be to them what they have been to me on this journey. Committing to this myself has built up my determination to fight for my own faith in a way I never expected…and it has been beautiful.
“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.” (Isaiah 42:3, NIV)
Maybe you’re weak and struggling today. Maybe you’re feeling useless and defeated. But remember this - like the reed, you may be bent, but you are not broken. Like the wick, your fire may have dwindled to just about nothing, but it has not gone out completely. Jesus does not write us off when we are weak. You’re not beyond mending, and all it takes is just a spark to grow into a blazing fire.
Whatever you do, don’t give in to the lie that you have to do your own mending or fuel your own fire. Embrace the precious gift to be found in the prayers and support of friends. Ask them to carry you to Jesus and lay you at His feet. And when you find the strength…do the same for someone else. We were never meant to fight alone.
